Russell dug up some ancient (high school) texts...

This is what you do in Brad Petty's dad's Sunday school class when you are bored.  Up next: Doxeyonomy.

Russell’s Epistle to the

Clarkesians

Chapter 1

Russell examines the Paul and Jacque situation – Yoshi tries his luck with the Jacque wild-card.  Happy Paul moves on to Rachel despite the murmuring of others.  Insight on monkeys given.

And it came to pass in the *first year of the reign of the Jacque, that Paul of Sweatithica had many concubines.

2 And behold, he favored one above all others, and her name was Jacque.

3 Jacque wept.

4 And Paul and Jacque had many abusive arguments and ceased to be a peaceful people.

5 This went on for many weeks.

6 And secret combinations were set in place.

7 And it came to pass that in the second year of the reign of the Jacque that Paul of Sweatithica came down out of the mountain and declared unto Jacque: It is over, yea, for the day of reckoning hath come, verily, I shall stay with thee no longer.

8 And a great cry went out through all the land, nay, there was much rejoicing.

9 And Jacque went unto Yoshi of SBOdom, and saith, lie with me a little, for on the morrow I go to BYU.  And Yoshi cried unto her, how canst I sin in this manner?  And he fled unto the land Bountiful.  And found Ashley, and was intrigued greatly.

11 And it came to pass that Jacque looked upon Robbie of the land Eastward to lust.  And she prepared to go unto the University of Utah, because she seeketh its program of music.

12 Yea, and Paul gathered his friends round about and declared unto them his plan for taking sans-birth mark Rachel to wife.

13 And the friends of Paul murmured saying: what has become of the angry Paul who was full of much bitterness?  New Paul is footloose and fancy-free.

14 Behold monkeys point.

15 And Paul saith: hearken, for monkeys also cry.  Yeah, I am no monkey, as Jacque is now, yea, I have found a greater prize.

* AD 2002